Da Vinci's Agenda

Many in the Christian church (and, I would imagine, *especially* the Catholic portion of the Christian church) have been concerned that Dan Brown's bestselling novel The Da Vinci Code is rife with misleading information regarding...well, just about everything having to do with the faith. Now that it's about to be released as a movie, the discussions are active again.

The concern, obviously, is that people will take the work of fiction as fact and the conspiracy theories laid out by Dan Brown as scholarly. There's been a great deal of talk about how Brown gets it wrong with respect to documented church history, the actual life of Christ, and the teachings, motives and disposition of the church in general. But one issue that's been largely passed over thus far is the subject of today's insightful A-Team Blog post on how The Da Vinci Code glorifies paganism.

Just as a side note, the A-Team Blog is always worth a read -- whether you're a Christian who wants a stimulating intellectual discussion on faith, culture, politics and society, or a non-Christian who wants some reasonable insight into the Christian worldview. You are ALWAYS welcome to bring your two cents, and you'll always be acknowledged in the discussion.

I Feel For You

Yvette Marie Stevens is 53 years old today.

Carnivorous Van Dwellers of West Los Angeles

We spend way too much time in our cars here. I'm used to seeing people driving while:

* talking on a cell phone
* applying mascara
* writing a check
* reading a map
* rehearsing lines for an audition
* sipping a latte
* reaching for something in another seat

...hopefully not all of the above, at once.

But yesterday as I was headed down Sawtelle, I caught out of the corner of my eye someone weaving in the next lane. Not excessively weaving, just enough to make me wonder if I had missed something in the road.

On my right, a bit ahead: the telltale rattley-putt-putt-clank of the ancient VW bus, in burnt orange and rust-spot, slathered with assorted "peace is the way" and "the earth is our mother" sentiments, piloted by the requisite aging hippie.

Who was gnawing on what appeared to be a giant, barbecued beef rib.

Kirk Cameron on Nightline?

Who'da thunk it?

Apparently, Kirk Cameron (you may remember him from the TV show Growing Pains...or, ladies, from various cheesy teen-idol magazines of the '80s) is going to be interviewed on ABC's Nightline tonight (11:35pm in these parts, but check your local listings). Interviewed about what, you say? Of all things, Christianity.

I think you might be surprised about what he has to say. I was even kind of surprised when I read this.

Check out the show and let me know what you think. Because I'd watch it myself, but...you know.

(Hat tip: The A-Team Blog)

More Search Return Fun

It's time once again to play the game that's sweeping the Web: "How Did You Get to My Blog?"

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, you can't hide from Big Brother Internet. Thanks to my handy-dandy site statistics service, if you got here via a Google/Yahoo!/MSN/whatever search, I will know what you were looking for!

Aside from the usual searches for my name, or my blog name, or "8675309," I get some doozies. Here are a few of my recent favorites:

* taco trucks in fresno
* listen to 8675309 beat
* weight watchers cookbook
* looking for a wealthy benefactor
* photos of ladies wearing pantyhose

Quite frankly, this last one perplexes and mildly disturbs me. But there is satisfaction in knowing that this person must have experienced great disappointment upon landing here, on a blog full of silliness and Jesus.

As for my other blog, the top search always seems to be "Maybe the dingo ate your baby."

Tragedy at the Aquarium

"F," noted Neon Tetra and resident of Happy Gallons Aquarium, has passed into eternity. A brief, private memorial was held this morning at Porcelain Waters Mortuary. F is survived by A, B, C, D and E.

On Sacrifice

My boys are the Number 2 Seed in the West.

Guess who, without considering the potential ramifications beforehand, gave up TV for Lent?

That's right: the girl with her ear pressed to sports radio, praying for a Sunday game and muttering, "Treasures in Heaven. Treasures in Heaven. Treasures in Heaven."

For One Brief, Shining Moment, I Love Cal

You people know where my loyalties lie, and thus, you surely know that the alleged Golden Bears of UC Berkeley -- I will use their preferred "Cal" moniker here because they made me smile today -- are no great friends of mine. No secret that the only days of the year I actually root for them are the days they play the U$C Trojans.

But today I must embrace my Northern California rivals, for they have perpetrated the most inspired embarrassing moment upon my crosstown nemesis.

Bay Area blogger Rangelife, who calls the stunt at last Saturday's basketball game "a prank that straddles the fuzzy gray line between 'Crap-Yer-Pants Hilarious' and 'Inexcusably Cruel,'" gives the lowdown:

When USC guard Gabe Pruitt took his first trip to the free throw line early in the game, the Cal student section hollered in unison: "VIC-TOR-IA, VIC-TOR-IA," and then yelled out a telephone number. Pruitt glanced back at the crowd in horror and bewilderment before clanking his free throws.

It turns out that a couple of mischeivous little bastards from the Cal student section had been IM'ing with Pruitt all week under the identity of "Victoria," a fictional UCLA hottie, and Pruitt was eagerly anticipating a date with this nubile co-ed back in Westwood after the game. In preparation for the date, Pruitt had handed over his digits, which the Cal student section recited back to him in unison.

Golden Bears, I salute you. And on behalf of Bruins everywhere, I say if there's anything we can do to Stanford for you, let us know. We owe you one.

Ninjas and Presbyterians: Both Mammals

Also, they're both totally sweet. I'll bet you didn't know ninjas and Presbyterians had so much in common.

(Hat tip: Scott Zeller)

Bring a Change of Underwear

I am fortunate to have made the acquaintance of the very talented lads over at 3rd Chair Trombone, a site chock full o' death defying comedy written by guys who should be rich and famous, but for some reason are neither of those things yet.

But it is with a special fancy flourish that I point you in the direction of this particular post, because that's where you'll find links to three iFilm episodes of their original comedy, Goodness. If you enjoy the work of Larry David (Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm), or if you have ever worked -- or aspired to work -- in the film industry, you must see these short films (you need Flash 8 to view them).

Trust me, you will be moved to incontinence. In a good way, of course.

Mildly Disturbing Questions of the Day

Do you ever find yourself feeling so "at home" at work that you forget to use a toilet seat cover in the bathroom?

Have you ever been somewhere that inspired you to use TWO toilet seat covers?

1.21 GaygaWatts

Many have spoofed, but few have been this funny. Ladies and Gentlemen: Brokeback to the Future.

Belly Laugh of the Day

Need a good laugh? Visit this blog right now. Right. NOW.

One of These Things Means I Need to Start Shopping

What I got in the mail today:

1.) Birthday card with check
2.) Birthday gift with style (AWESOME! Thank you!)
3.) Thank you note from my auto mechanic

Missing a Few Key Ingredients

The Internet is like magic to me; I can't remember how I ever learned anything, wrote a paper, or settled a dispute before it existed. Now, when I am faced with a quandary, a quibble or a query, all I have to do is mosey (cyber-mosey?) over to Google and type in a few words.

I have this delicious recipe for something that's made in a Dutch oven, and since I recently A.) acquired a crock pot, and B.) heard that a crock pot and a Dutch oven have similar properties, I thought I'd do a little search about recipe conversion, in the hope that I might be able to make a warm, yummy dessert that will fill my apartment with lovely smells and be ready to dive into the moment I get home from work and wolf down dinner.

So I typed "convert recipes to crock" in the Google search box, and got a few returns that looked promising.

Google didn't find them quite so promising, however, and decided this couldn't possibly be what I'd had in mind when I asked for help. Google is very smart and helpful, but has apparently mistaken me for someone else. The link at the top of the search return politely asked me, "Did you mean: 'convert recipes to crack?'"

Baby Got Book

It's been circulating the Web for a while now, but I watched it again today and laughed as hard as I did the first time I saw it. Those of you who remember Sir Mix-A-Lot will appreciate this.

The Book of Bauer

Huzzah, 24 has returned! For those of you who may have missed this when I posted it last year, check out the 24 (Season 4) Drinking Game!

Some of you may have taken my last post to mean I would put up a full-on review of The Book of Daniel. Indeed, I thought about it...then thought better of it. I'm pretty much in agreement with this commentary and this commentary from National Review Online, both of which are more eloquently articulated and fair-minded than anything I would come up with, even having watched the two-hour season premiere twice. Yes, twice. Sometimes you just have to see something again in order to prove to yourself that you weren't making it up the first time.

In lieu of a review, I will post a brief scene from my fantasy TV crossover episode, starring the namby-pamby hippie Jesus from Book of Daniel, and a REAL man. Enjoy:

JACK (hiding, speaking to CTU through his radio): The hostiles have changed position and are separating the hostages into groups. What's our E.T.A.?

JESUS (stepping casually out from behind a support beam): Now, Jack, "hostiles" isn't cool. They're guys, just like you and me.

JACK: What the hell--

JESUS: You mean "What the heaven!"

JACK: Get down!

JESUS: They can't see me, Jack. Only the children and little animals can see me. And that guy on my other show.

(TERRORIST LEADER pulls a young man from the group of hostages and drags him to another room.)

JACK (into radio): They took another one. What's the holdup? Dammit!

JESUS: Sorry, it doesn't work that way. Even I can't damn an inanimate object. It helps to be more specific. Damn who? Like, the terrorist guy down there? Or the terrorist in the White House posing as a presidential advisor?

JACK (turning to the Nonmighty, intense): What are you talking about, "terrorist in the White House?"

JESUS: Sorry, man, no special revelation. I can only say that something really big's gonna happen within the hour. But don't worry, it'll all be okay. Just let it play out.

JACK: I need a name!

JESUS: Can't do it, Jack. If I told you everything there was to know, how would you ever learn?

JACK (pulling a gun on Jesus): This is a matter of national security. I need a name and I need it now. NOW!

JESUS (chuckling gently): Oh, Jack. I already died once, remember? I'd just be all resurrected again, what would that accomplish? Have a lime LifeSaver and chill out.

JACK: DAMMIT!

JESUS: Cherry?

(JACK sees his opportunity for the hostage rescue and takes off, leaving Jesus.)

JESUS (calling after him): I wish you wouldn't carry a gun. Where's the love?

Sorry to Cut the Funeral Short, I'm Late for My Pre-Oscars Hair Appointment

I'm a list maker and a list reader by nature -- a sucker for a good top ten, checklist, or ranking order rundown. So despite satisfaction with my current job situation, I couldn't resist taking a peek at a U.S. News & World Report article about "The Best Jobs to Have in 2006."

Most of it was what I expected: various careers in the healthcare and technical fields, with little blurbs about why these positions were so attractive. But there came a point when I actually laughed out loud. Join me, won't you?

Clergy. Want the satisfaction of doing good? You'll routinely play a significant role in major life events such as birth, marriage, crisis, and death. Plus this career offers status, normally modest work hours, and often good salaries. You needn't necessarily have unquestioned faith in God. I've spoken with a number of clergy who have deep questions about the nature and even existence of a Supreme Being.

Now, I would think the clergy would hardly be a solid career choice for wealth-and-status-seeking atheists who have a yen for bulk leisure time and crave the spotlight and adoration afforded by playing "a significant role in major life events." But perhaps this is seriously the prevailing view. It would certainly explain NBC's anally fragrant new drama "The Book of Daniel" which, yes, I watched on purpose (stories for another time).

What say you, my friends out there in full-time ministry? How's that cushy 9 to 5 desk job and fancy uppercrust lifestyle treatin' ya?

Could it Be?

The same website that sells this t-shirt sells jester hats as well?

People, my birthday is coming.

Just When I Thought Christmas Was Over