One of These Things Means I Need to Start Shopping

What I got in the mail today:

1.) Birthday card with check
2.) Birthday gift with style (AWESOME! Thank you!)
3.) Thank you note from my auto mechanic

Missing a Few Key Ingredients

The Internet is like magic to me; I can't remember how I ever learned anything, wrote a paper, or settled a dispute before it existed. Now, when I am faced with a quandary, a quibble or a query, all I have to do is mosey (cyber-mosey?) over to Google and type in a few words.

I have this delicious recipe for something that's made in a Dutch oven, and since I recently A.) acquired a crock pot, and B.) heard that a crock pot and a Dutch oven have similar properties, I thought I'd do a little search about recipe conversion, in the hope that I might be able to make a warm, yummy dessert that will fill my apartment with lovely smells and be ready to dive into the moment I get home from work and wolf down dinner.

So I typed "convert recipes to crock" in the Google search box, and got a few returns that looked promising.

Google didn't find them quite so promising, however, and decided this couldn't possibly be what I'd had in mind when I asked for help. Google is very smart and helpful, but has apparently mistaken me for someone else. The link at the top of the search return politely asked me, "Did you mean: 'convert recipes to crack?'"

Baby Got Book

It's been circulating the Web for a while now, but I watched it again today and laughed as hard as I did the first time I saw it. Those of you who remember Sir Mix-A-Lot will appreciate this.

The Book of Bauer

Huzzah, 24 has returned! For those of you who may have missed this when I posted it last year, check out the 24 (Season 4) Drinking Game!

Some of you may have taken my last post to mean I would put up a full-on review of The Book of Daniel. Indeed, I thought about it...then thought better of it. I'm pretty much in agreement with this commentary and this commentary from National Review Online, both of which are more eloquently articulated and fair-minded than anything I would come up with, even having watched the two-hour season premiere twice. Yes, twice. Sometimes you just have to see something again in order to prove to yourself that you weren't making it up the first time.

In lieu of a review, I will post a brief scene from my fantasy TV crossover episode, starring the namby-pamby hippie Jesus from Book of Daniel, and a REAL man. Enjoy:

JACK (hiding, speaking to CTU through his radio): The hostiles have changed position and are separating the hostages into groups. What's our E.T.A.?

JESUS (stepping casually out from behind a support beam): Now, Jack, "hostiles" isn't cool. They're guys, just like you and me.

JACK: What the hell--

JESUS: You mean "What the heaven!"

JACK: Get down!

JESUS: They can't see me, Jack. Only the children and little animals can see me. And that guy on my other show.

(TERRORIST LEADER pulls a young man from the group of hostages and drags him to another room.)

JACK (into radio): They took another one. What's the holdup? Dammit!

JESUS: Sorry, it doesn't work that way. Even I can't damn an inanimate object. It helps to be more specific. Damn who? Like, the terrorist guy down there? Or the terrorist in the White House posing as a presidential advisor?

JACK (turning to the Nonmighty, intense): What are you talking about, "terrorist in the White House?"

JESUS: Sorry, man, no special revelation. I can only say that something really big's gonna happen within the hour. But don't worry, it'll all be okay. Just let it play out.

JACK: I need a name!

JESUS: Can't do it, Jack. If I told you everything there was to know, how would you ever learn?

JACK (pulling a gun on Jesus): This is a matter of national security. I need a name and I need it now. NOW!

JESUS (chuckling gently): Oh, Jack. I already died once, remember? I'd just be all resurrected again, what would that accomplish? Have a lime LifeSaver and chill out.

JACK: DAMMIT!

JESUS: Cherry?

(JACK sees his opportunity for the hostage rescue and takes off, leaving Jesus.)

JESUS (calling after him): I wish you wouldn't carry a gun. Where's the love?

Sorry to Cut the Funeral Short, I'm Late for My Pre-Oscars Hair Appointment

I'm a list maker and a list reader by nature -- a sucker for a good top ten, checklist, or ranking order rundown. So despite satisfaction with my current job situation, I couldn't resist taking a peek at a U.S. News & World Report article about "The Best Jobs to Have in 2006."

Most of it was what I expected: various careers in the healthcare and technical fields, with little blurbs about why these positions were so attractive. But there came a point when I actually laughed out loud. Join me, won't you?

Clergy. Want the satisfaction of doing good? You'll routinely play a significant role in major life events such as birth, marriage, crisis, and death. Plus this career offers status, normally modest work hours, and often good salaries. You needn't necessarily have unquestioned faith in God. I've spoken with a number of clergy who have deep questions about the nature and even existence of a Supreme Being.

Now, I would think the clergy would hardly be a solid career choice for wealth-and-status-seeking atheists who have a yen for bulk leisure time and crave the spotlight and adoration afforded by playing "a significant role in major life events." But perhaps this is seriously the prevailing view. It would certainly explain NBC's anally fragrant new drama "The Book of Daniel" which, yes, I watched on purpose (stories for another time).

What say you, my friends out there in full-time ministry? How's that cushy 9 to 5 desk job and fancy uppercrust lifestyle treatin' ya?

Could it Be?

The same website that sells this t-shirt sells jester hats as well?

People, my birthday is coming.

Just When I Thought Christmas Was Over