My Dad Has Cancer

My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer today. So I'm asking everyone I know to pray for him.

The funny thing is, I'm sure he'll read this (he does read the blog) and think I'm full of shit for believing such things might make an ounce of difference. He'll probably think I'm naive, a foolish child, for even making such a request of you.

Those of you who aren't Christians might think prayer is just our way of trying to get what we want from God, but that's not how it works. The holiest person on earth could spend every waking hour on his knees, pure hearted and with the best of intentions, petitioning the Almighty for a certain set of circumstances that would make life better or easier or more interesting...but there's no guarantee God will grant his request.

Prayer is about submitting your will, your desires, your authority, and your life to Him and acknowledging that He is sovereign. Prayer is about trust in God and in His ability to see and affect the outcome of the big picture as well as the small one. Life in general is difficult and painful at times, and the Christian life can bring those moments into even sharper focus. We don't always get what we want, but there is a greater force at work who, when we acknowledge His existence and authority, makes sure we get what we need, whether or not we know what that is.

I don't care whether or not you believe, Dad. We're praying for you.

My Grammar Can Beat Up Your Grammar

Bumper sticker on the back of a luxury SUV I saw on my way to work this morning:

"Somewhere in Texas, A Village is Missing It's Idiot"

Here's the thing. If your sign declares someone else to be stupid, you might want to make sure it's correct.

It's Official: I Drive a Hoopty

Let it not be said that my pickup truck doesn't come with options. It comes with LOTS of options:

1.) The paint on my hood could be described as "distressed" OR as "a choppy ocean scene."

2.) If I want to experience uphill acceleration, I can either drive someone else's truck OR get out and push my own.

3.) On a rainy drive home from work at night, I can use the headlights and the windshield wipers, OR the windshield wipers and the defroster, OR the defroster and the headlights. (Provided I am not also using the radio.)

4.) That smell? It could be oil OR transmission fluid OR coolant.

5.) That puddle where I park? That happened either when I left this morning OR when I returned home.

6.) I will purchase another vehicle at the end of this year, OR the next time my mechanic says, "Six hundred dollars, please."

Why God Made Voicemail (A Commercial)

Stereophonic Latin-beat ringtone.

WOMAN NEXT TO ME: "Hello? Great, how are you? Yes, absolutely."

ME (thinking): Unbelievable.

WOMAN NEXT TO ME: "No, I got it from Alex. We still need to negotiate the-- what? Oh. Is that what they told you? Absolutely not. There's no room for that."

ME (thinking): So wrong.

WOMAN NEXT TO ME: "What? No, I'm...no, of course not."

ME (reaching just over my left shoulder): FLOOOOOOOSHHHSHSHSHSHSHHHH!!!!!

WOMAN NEXT TO ME: "CanICallYouBack?" *SNAP!*

ME (thinking): Heh heh heh.

TAGLINE: "Commercial-flush toilets: God's gift to those who still give a crap about public decency."

Da Vinci's Agenda

Many in the Christian church (and, I would imagine, *especially* the Catholic portion of the Christian church) have been concerned that Dan Brown's bestselling novel The Da Vinci Code is rife with misleading information regarding...well, just about everything having to do with the faith. Now that it's about to be released as a movie, the discussions are active again.

The concern, obviously, is that people will take the work of fiction as fact and the conspiracy theories laid out by Dan Brown as scholarly. There's been a great deal of talk about how Brown gets it wrong with respect to documented church history, the actual life of Christ, and the teachings, motives and disposition of the church in general. But one issue that's been largely passed over thus far is the subject of today's insightful A-Team Blog post on how The Da Vinci Code glorifies paganism.

Just as a side note, the A-Team Blog is always worth a read -- whether you're a Christian who wants a stimulating intellectual discussion on faith, culture, politics and society, or a non-Christian who wants some reasonable insight into the Christian worldview. You are ALWAYS welcome to bring your two cents, and you'll always be acknowledged in the discussion.

I Feel For You

Yvette Marie Stevens is 53 years old today.

Carnivorous Van Dwellers of West Los Angeles

We spend way too much time in our cars here. I'm used to seeing people driving while:

* talking on a cell phone
* applying mascara
* writing a check
* reading a map
* rehearsing lines for an audition
* sipping a latte
* reaching for something in another seat

...hopefully not all of the above, at once.

But yesterday as I was headed down Sawtelle, I caught out of the corner of my eye someone weaving in the next lane. Not excessively weaving, just enough to make me wonder if I had missed something in the road.

On my right, a bit ahead: the telltale rattley-putt-putt-clank of the ancient VW bus, in burnt orange and rust-spot, slathered with assorted "peace is the way" and "the earth is our mother" sentiments, piloted by the requisite aging hippie.

Who was gnawing on what appeared to be a giant, barbecued beef rib.

Kirk Cameron on Nightline?

Who'da thunk it?

Apparently, Kirk Cameron (you may remember him from the TV show Growing Pains...or, ladies, from various cheesy teen-idol magazines of the '80s) is going to be interviewed on ABC's Nightline tonight (11:35pm in these parts, but check your local listings). Interviewed about what, you say? Of all things, Christianity.

I think you might be surprised about what he has to say. I was even kind of surprised when I read this.

Check out the show and let me know what you think. Because I'd watch it myself, but...you know.

(Hat tip: The A-Team Blog)

More Search Return Fun

It's time once again to play the game that's sweeping the Web: "How Did You Get to My Blog?"

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, you can't hide from Big Brother Internet. Thanks to my handy-dandy site statistics service, if you got here via a Google/Yahoo!/MSN/whatever search, I will know what you were looking for!

Aside from the usual searches for my name, or my blog name, or "8675309," I get some doozies. Here are a few of my recent favorites:

* taco trucks in fresno
* listen to 8675309 beat
* weight watchers cookbook
* looking for a wealthy benefactor
* photos of ladies wearing pantyhose

Quite frankly, this last one perplexes and mildly disturbs me. But there is satisfaction in knowing that this person must have experienced great disappointment upon landing here, on a blog full of silliness and Jesus.

As for my other blog, the top search always seems to be "Maybe the dingo ate your baby."

Tragedy at the Aquarium

"F," noted Neon Tetra and resident of Happy Gallons Aquarium, has passed into eternity. A brief, private memorial was held this morning at Porcelain Waters Mortuary. F is survived by A, B, C, D and E.

On Sacrifice

My boys are the Number 2 Seed in the West.

Guess who, without considering the potential ramifications beforehand, gave up TV for Lent?

That's right: the girl with her ear pressed to sports radio, praying for a Sunday game and muttering, "Treasures in Heaven. Treasures in Heaven. Treasures in Heaven."

For One Brief, Shining Moment, I Love Cal

You people know where my loyalties lie, and thus, you surely know that the alleged Golden Bears of UC Berkeley -- I will use their preferred "Cal" moniker here because they made me smile today -- are no great friends of mine. No secret that the only days of the year I actually root for them are the days they play the U$C Trojans.

But today I must embrace my Northern California rivals, for they have perpetrated the most inspired embarrassing moment upon my crosstown nemesis.

Bay Area blogger Rangelife, who calls the stunt at last Saturday's basketball game "a prank that straddles the fuzzy gray line between 'Crap-Yer-Pants Hilarious' and 'Inexcusably Cruel,'" gives the lowdown:

When USC guard Gabe Pruitt took his first trip to the free throw line early in the game, the Cal student section hollered in unison: "VIC-TOR-IA, VIC-TOR-IA," and then yelled out a telephone number. Pruitt glanced back at the crowd in horror and bewilderment before clanking his free throws.

It turns out that a couple of mischeivous little bastards from the Cal student section had been IM'ing with Pruitt all week under the identity of "Victoria," a fictional UCLA hottie, and Pruitt was eagerly anticipating a date with this nubile co-ed back in Westwood after the game. In preparation for the date, Pruitt had handed over his digits, which the Cal student section recited back to him in unison.

Golden Bears, I salute you. And on behalf of Bruins everywhere, I say if there's anything we can do to Stanford for you, let us know. We owe you one.

Ninjas and Presbyterians: Both Mammals

Also, they're both totally sweet. I'll bet you didn't know ninjas and Presbyterians had so much in common.

(Hat tip: Scott Zeller)