What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Friday, April 29, 2005
What Kind of Pirate Am I?
Avast! Because I trust the judgment of the likes of ye, me landlubbin' mateys and scurvy associates, I be trustin' in ye to assess me piratical tendencies:
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
The Following Takes Place Between 11:00 A.M. and 12:00 P.M.
Just in time for May sweeps, it's the "24" (Season 4) Drinking Game!
Every time one of the following phrases or situations occurs on an episode of "24" (Season 4), take a shot...of a beverage that wouldn't impair your judgment if you were the President of the United States or the head of CTU:
• A character from one or more previous seasons resurfaces (bonus points for those we thought were dead or in prison)
• Chloe rolls her eyes, verbally abuses someone, gives Edgar a dirty look or otherwise displays her lack of social skills
• "You're making the wrong call" (acceptable substitutes include "That's not the right call" and "That's not the way to handle this," etc.)
• Someone from CTU screws over an innocent bystander
• "It'll happen within the hour."
• A commercial for the Fox series "House" shows someone having a seizure (TiVo users, no points for you!)
• Infidelity
• "I have [character name] on the line. He says it's urgent."
• Stupid interpersonal drama interferes with the professional duties of the CTU staff, potentially causing injury or death to millions of U.S. citizens
• Jack yells, "DAMN IT!"
Every time one of the following phrases or situations occurs on an episode of "24" (Season 4), take a shot...of a beverage that wouldn't impair your judgment if you were the President of the United States or the head of CTU:
• A character from one or more previous seasons resurfaces (bonus points for those we thought were dead or in prison)
• Chloe rolls her eyes, verbally abuses someone, gives Edgar a dirty look or otherwise displays her lack of social skills
• "You're making the wrong call" (acceptable substitutes include "That's not the right call" and "That's not the way to handle this," etc.)
• Someone from CTU screws over an innocent bystander
• "It'll happen within the hour."
• A commercial for the Fox series "House" shows someone having a seizure (TiVo users, no points for you!)
• Infidelity
• "I have [character name] on the line. He says it's urgent."
• Stupid interpersonal drama interferes with the professional duties of the CTU staff, potentially causing injury or death to millions of U.S. citizens
• Jack yells, "DAMN IT!"
Monday, April 25, 2005
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
Take this brilliant Web quiz to find out:
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
For your amusement, here's my historical lunatic profile. Don't read it until you've taken the quiz yourself, though -- you might be tempted to answer in a way that unfairly tips your results in favor of ALSO being Charles the Mad...and this royal nuthouse ain't big enough for the both of us:
You are Charles VI of France, also known as Charles the Mad or Charles the Well-Beloved!
A fine, amiable and dreamy young man, skilled in horsemanship and archery, you were also from a long line of dribbling madmen. King at 12 and quickly married to your sweetheart, Bavarian Princess Isabeau, you enjoyed many happy months together before either of you could speak anything of the other's language. However, after illness you became a tad unstable. When a raving lunatic ran up to your entourage spouting an incoherent prophecy of doom, you were unsettled enough to slaughter four of your best men when a page dropped a lance. Your hair and nails fell out. At a royal masquerade, you and your courtiers dressed as wild men, ending in tragedy when four of them accidentally caught fire and burned to death. You were saved by the timely intervention of the Duchess of Berry's underskirts.
This brought on another bout of sickness, which surgeons countered by drilling holes in your skull. The following months saw you suffer an exorcism, beg your friends to kill you, go into hyperactive fits of gaiety, run through your rooms to the point of exhaustion, hide from imaginary assassins, claim your name was Georges, deny that you were King and fail to recognise your family. You smashed furniture and wet yourself at regular intervals. Passing briefly into erratic genius, you believed yourself to be made of glass and demanded iron rods in your attire to prevent you breaking.
In 1405 you stopped bathing, shaving or changing your clothes. This went on until several men were hired to blacken their faces, hide, jump out and shout "boo!", upon which you resumed basic hygiene. Despite this, your wife continued sleeping with you until 1407, when she hired a young beauty, Odette de Champdivers, to take her place. Isabeau then consoled herself, as it were, with your brother. Her lovers followed thick and fast while you became a pawn of your court, until you had her latest beau strangled and drowned.
A severe fever was fended off with oranges and pomegranates in vast quantities, but you succumbed again in 1422 and died. Your disease was most likely hereditary. Unfortunately, you had anywhere up to eleven children, who variously went on to develop capriciousness, great cruelty, insecurity, paranoia, revulsion towards food and, in one case, a phobia of bridges.
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
For your amusement, here's my historical lunatic profile. Don't read it until you've taken the quiz yourself, though -- you might be tempted to answer in a way that unfairly tips your results in favor of ALSO being Charles the Mad...and this royal nuthouse ain't big enough for the both of us:
You are Charles VI of France, also known as Charles the Mad or Charles the Well-Beloved!
A fine, amiable and dreamy young man, skilled in horsemanship and archery, you were also from a long line of dribbling madmen. King at 12 and quickly married to your sweetheart, Bavarian Princess Isabeau, you enjoyed many happy months together before either of you could speak anything of the other's language. However, after illness you became a tad unstable. When a raving lunatic ran up to your entourage spouting an incoherent prophecy of doom, you were unsettled enough to slaughter four of your best men when a page dropped a lance. Your hair and nails fell out. At a royal masquerade, you and your courtiers dressed as wild men, ending in tragedy when four of them accidentally caught fire and burned to death. You were saved by the timely intervention of the Duchess of Berry's underskirts.
This brought on another bout of sickness, which surgeons countered by drilling holes in your skull. The following months saw you suffer an exorcism, beg your friends to kill you, go into hyperactive fits of gaiety, run through your rooms to the point of exhaustion, hide from imaginary assassins, claim your name was Georges, deny that you were King and fail to recognise your family. You smashed furniture and wet yourself at regular intervals. Passing briefly into erratic genius, you believed yourself to be made of glass and demanded iron rods in your attire to prevent you breaking.
In 1405 you stopped bathing, shaving or changing your clothes. This went on until several men were hired to blacken their faces, hide, jump out and shout "boo!", upon which you resumed basic hygiene. Despite this, your wife continued sleeping with you until 1407, when she hired a young beauty, Odette de Champdivers, to take her place. Isabeau then consoled herself, as it were, with your brother. Her lovers followed thick and fast while you became a pawn of your court, until you had her latest beau strangled and drowned.
A severe fever was fended off with oranges and pomegranates in vast quantities, but you succumbed again in 1422 and died. Your disease was most likely hereditary. Unfortunately, you had anywhere up to eleven children, who variously went on to develop capriciousness, great cruelty, insecurity, paranoia, revulsion towards food and, in one case, a phobia of bridges.
Chuck Heston Was Right
Soylent Green is people!!!
Besides, I'll link to any article that first claims something will "smack of cannibalism" and then claims it "smacks of Frankenstein."
Besides, I'll link to any article that first claims something will "smack of cannibalism" and then claims it "smacks of Frankenstein."
Saturday, April 23, 2005
"But officer, he's *smart* enough to drive...."
I'm once again puppysitting a future guide dog this weekend (Liam the Magnificent, for those of you who either know him or have heard me sing his canine praises).
It's a sad commentary on Los Angeles traffic and car culture that I am so accustomed to being the sole occupant of my vehicle, I actually had a fleeting moment's thought that Liam and I would qualify as a carpool. Thank God I realized my idiocy before I changed lanes. That would have been an embarrassing $370 fine.
It's a sad commentary on Los Angeles traffic and car culture that I am so accustomed to being the sole occupant of my vehicle, I actually had a fleeting moment's thought that Liam and I would qualify as a carpool. Thank God I realized my idiocy before I changed lanes. That would have been an embarrassing $370 fine.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Tough Love
"Love, in the true sense, is not always a matter of giving way, being soft, and just acting nice. In that sense, a sugar-coated Jesus or a God who agrees to everything and is never anything but nice and friendly is no more than a caricature of real love. Because God loves us, because he wants us to grow into truth, he must necessarily make demands on us and must also correct us." -- Pope Benedict XVI
You tell 'em, Holy Father. God ain't no wussy-boy.
I love this quote because it challenges those who think of God as The Big Hug From Above, the Immortal Cheerleader who wants us to be happy and fulfilled and self-actualized and to feel good about ourselves all the time, no matter what.
There's no commandment that says, "Thou shalt happily skip along the garden path, in blissful and childlike ignorance of reality and without responsibility or maturity." No, God lays down His expectations. His instruction is to pursue some things, and to avoid some other things, "so that it may go well with you." Which implies, of course, that if you do not...it will NOT go well with you. A loving God gives us choice, but a loving God also gives us responsibility and holds us accountable. As it is with earthly parents, how much more with a Heavenly Father? Would we ever grow into adulthood otherwise?
You tell 'em, Holy Father. God ain't no wussy-boy.
I love this quote because it challenges those who think of God as The Big Hug From Above, the Immortal Cheerleader who wants us to be happy and fulfilled and self-actualized and to feel good about ourselves all the time, no matter what.
There's no commandment that says, "Thou shalt happily skip along the garden path, in blissful and childlike ignorance of reality and without responsibility or maturity." No, God lays down His expectations. His instruction is to pursue some things, and to avoid some other things, "so that it may go well with you." Which implies, of course, that if you do not...it will NOT go well with you. A loving God gives us choice, but a loving God also gives us responsibility and holds us accountable. As it is with earthly parents, how much more with a Heavenly Father? Would we ever grow into adulthood otherwise?
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
I Didn't Even Know He Was Catholic
I knew the Holy See had been pressured to bow to the expectations of today's culture as the cardinals met this week to elect a new pope, but who expected this? It can only be the work of a secret conclavin.
Monday, April 18, 2005
SWAT the Monkey
Officer Sean Truelove of the Mesa, Arizona police department envisions "the ultimate SWAT reconnaissance tool."
I smell a straight-to-video franchise, here....
I smell a straight-to-video franchise, here....
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Word Games and Minor Obsessions (Or, Things That Keep Me Up at Night)
It all started with "Harry Potter & the Hairy Potter." Things escalated from there, and Amy and I stayed up very late. laughing, as we are wont to do. Here are the results:
BEST IN CLASS:
Harry Potter & the Hairy Potter
Mary Poppins & the Merry Poppins
Robin Hood & the Robbin' Hood
Sherlock Holmes & the Sure-Lock Homes
NOT TOO SHABBY:
Frank Marshall & the Frank Marshall
Rip Taylor & the Rip Tailor
John Boothe & the John Booth
Art Carney & the Art Carny
Mark Taper & the Mark Taper
Kurt Russell & the Curt Rustle
SPECIAL ACHIEVEMENT AWARD:
Ernest Borgnine & the Earnest Borg Nine
HONORABLE MENTION:
Earl Warren & the Warrin' Earl
Ho Chi Minh & the Hoochy-Men
...anyone have anything to add?
BEST IN CLASS:
Harry Potter & the Hairy Potter
Mary Poppins & the Merry Poppins
Robin Hood & the Robbin' Hood
Sherlock Holmes & the Sure-Lock Homes
NOT TOO SHABBY:
Frank Marshall & the Frank Marshall
Rip Taylor & the Rip Tailor
John Boothe & the John Booth
Art Carney & the Art Carny
Mark Taper & the Mark Taper
Kurt Russell & the Curt Rustle
SPECIAL ACHIEVEMENT AWARD:
Ernest Borgnine & the Earnest Borg Nine
HONORABLE MENTION:
Earl Warren & the Warrin' Earl
Ho Chi Minh & the Hoochy-Men
...anyone have anything to add?
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