Saturday, December 02, 2006

13-9



By the old Pacific's rolling water
Loyally we stand each son and daughter
Hail the emblem of our Alma Mater, Mighty Bruin Bear
California hail your warriors marching to the fray
They go forth to win more laurels for our name today
Bruin Bear let loose thy thunder, Victry's flag unfold
Rend your enemies asunder for the Blue and Gold

-- Thomas Victor Beall, 1941 ("Rally Song," AKA "By The Old Pacific")

Sunday, November 26, 2006

You Stay Classy, Trojans



Okay, so the glory days of former u$c quarterback Todd Marinovich were juuuuuuuust before my time at UCLA. But this photo, wherein the Bruin who sacked him suppressed his baser instincts long enough to extend a sportsmanlike "help you up" hand in what I believe was a game we ultimately lost, perfectly encapsulates my beloved crosstown rivalry.

It is BEAT '$c WEEK, people! Put your hands in the air (all TEN fingers, please) and gimme an 8-clap!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Not For The Faint of Heart

Just FYI, I've updated my sidebar with some new links. Thought it was time I shared with you the plethora of military blogs I've been reading for the last several months (or longer? time flies when you're having a war, I guess). There are dozens more that I occasionally visit, but these are my current favorites.

They bring to the blogging table a host of valuable perspectives: currently deployed military, recent returns, family members back home, soldiers struggling with the transition back to "normal" life in the States, memorials to the fallen...there's a lot going on that most of us don't think about.

A warning to those of you who may be a little sensitive: you might not like what you read if you're uncomfortable with rough language, graphic depictions of casualty and other horrors of war, or the naked truth of the human condition.

Go read. They're worth your time.

Monday, November 20, 2006

So, Who Are You People?

I gotta say, I'm intrigued by some of you.

One of the many cool aspects of this Internet thing that seems to have taken over much of most people's lives is that, thanks to the miracle of relatively simple modern technology, when you visit my blog, I can see you.

Fine, not literally; we're not all webcam-connected at this point, though I'm sure that won't be true for long. And won't THAT be a horrible setback for those of us who like to blog in our pajamas, on bad hair days, all shiny-faced with spinach in our teeth and an unmade bed behind us. But I digress.

Anyway, the point is, my "readership" is such a smallish and manageable number that I can tell where you are, when you visited, how long you stayed, what you looked at, what you clicked on, and how you found me... just by looking at my site statistics. In most cases, the sum of this information allows me to figure out who you are, assuming you're someone I already know. Of course, I'm sure there are a few folks out there who are so well cloaked in secrecy (government? military? the coming alien conquerors of the human race?) that they don't even show up on my stats with "unknown" listed in all of the above slots, but I'm guessing those folks are few and far between, and not particularly interested in what I might have to say anyway.

So who's reading? Some people from my present, some people from my past, and some people who, I'm sure, have no idea that I know they're visiting (which makes it all the more fun).

But I'll be hornswaggled if there aren't at least a few compelling mysteries out there that churn my brain a bit. And because I'm having one of those feeling-just-a-bit-devil-may-care days, I am inviting a few of you to be in a new and exciting category called "people from my future."

Are you the person who always finds me by searching for "Jenny Haynes Dallas" (though I assure you, as a person who has -- unfortunately -- never visited Texas, nor -- fortunately -- starred on a cheesy nighttime soap opera from the 1980s, I'm probably not who you think you're looking for)?

Are you the person from a popular online dating site's domain who clicks through from a list of weblogs belonging to former staffers of a camp where I worked for two summers in the early '90s?

Are you from Slough? From Thousand Oaks?

Let's be grownups about this. We all go a-Googling in search of interesting people and strange things, looking up old schoolmates and former co-workers from days of yore, performing do-it-yourself background checks on people we've just met, in the curious voyeuristic way we've been taught to approach our increasingly exposed lives in the digital age. I do it, you do it. It's amazing and amusing. Admit it. Embrace it. 'Fess up.

You don't even have to out yourself publicly by leaving a comment. E-mail me (there's a link in my Blogger profile) and tell me who you are. Seriously, I'm dying to know.

What are ya, chicken?

Friday, November 17, 2006

My Next Band

BAND NAMES INSPIRED BY WEDNESDAY'S YAHOO! NEWS HEADLINES

Unexplained Plutonium
TomKat Wedding
Anne Frank's Tree
Knockoff Nikes
Radiation for Prostate
Battle Apple
White House Bid
Sludge Transfer
Airborne Hijinx
China Love Boat

Saturday, November 11, 2006

You'd Better Be Grateful...

...for men such as these. Thank a veteran today.



Pearl Harbor survivor Houston James of Dallas embraces Marine Staff Sgt. Mark Graunke Jr. during a Veterans Day commemoration in Dallas. Graunke lost a hand, a leg and and eye when he defused a bomb in Iraq last year. (AP Photo)

* Post a message to active duty troops
* Donate to the Valour-IT (Voice Activated Laptops for OUR Injured Troops) Project
* Get involved with Soldiers Angels
* And please read these posts

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

"Greater Love Has No One Than This..."

Most of you know the rest of the quote: "...that he lay down his life for his friends."

Some of you might even know that it's from the Bible -- John 15:13, to be precise. They are the words of Jesus, who in the context of the passage was speaking of His own imminent sacrifice for the sins of humanity (the preceding verse is, "My command is this: love each other as I have loved you"). But in a broader context, self-sacrifice on behalf of another is still a worthy pursuit and a hallmark of devotion. Aside from Jesus, have you met anyone recently who has laid down his life for someone else?

Men and women of the United States Armed Forces are doing this every day, all of them laying down their lives in a metaphorical sense as they leave behind loved ones for months at a time, in the service of a sometimes grateful, but often forgetful, nation.

Then there are those who lay down their lives in a literal sense. It's not enough to say that many are killed; many more are wounded, in body and in spirit.

In honor of Veteran's Day (this Saturday, go thank a veteran!), I once again call your attention to the work of an organization called Soldiers' Angels. It doesn't matter what you think of the war in Iraq or of the current geopolitical climate. If you value self-sacrifice -- and if you are one of my Christian readers, you should, because it is at the very heart of your faith -- please show your support to a U.S. Soldier, Sailor, Airman, or Marine.

How? Soldiers' Angels offers several opportunities for you to reach out to military personnel and their families, but today I'm specifically highlighting two programs, one with an immediate and one with a longer-term impact.

1.) M*A*S*H units as we might think of them no longer exist; now, when a soldier is wounded, he is quickly transported to a combat support hospital, and it can take days or weeks for him to receive replacement supplies and personal belongings. The Wounded Soldier Project provides "First Response Backpacks" full of necessities and comfort items, including toiletries, phone cards, clothing and handmade blankets, to give to those who arrive with nothing but what's left of their uniform.

It may seem like a small gesture, but if you were 20 years old and combat-injured, lying in a hospital bed (possibly even in a foreign country) with no friends or family at your bedside, you might have a different perspective. One grateful mom wrote, "Dear Soldiers' Angels, thank you for the blanket. My son won't let go of it."

2.) Project Valour-IT is an initiative to provide voice-activated laptops to troops who are recovering from hand and arm injuries or amputations, whether at home or still in the hospital. If you just used your perfectly intact hand to click on that link, please consider a donation.

I know the holidays are upon us, and there's a spending opportunity or obligation around every corner. But if you're strapped for cash and still want to support these initiatives, you can always e-mail the Wounded Team to inquire about opportunities to help with letters, cards and comfort items.

Show your love to someone who has shown the greatest love. Give 'til it heals.

Happy Veterans Day.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

No, You Can't Read It, So Don't Bother Asking

“Can’t talk -- writing a novel.” You will be hearing these words from me during the month of November. That’s right. Writing a novel. In a month.

Huh?

You heard me. Novel in a month.

Is this some kind of Halloween prank you're pulling on us?

Nope. Not a Halloween prank. Not even a Reformation Day prank (theses, anyone?).

But…why?

Because of the lovely and talented Julia – intelligent woman and fine puppy raiser, introspective soul, enthusiastic encourager of creativity. Last year, Julia participated in this extremely cool thing I’d never even heard of: National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write a 50,000 word novel between November 1 and November 30, so this year, I’m taking the plunge. Because I can. Because I should.

But what about your social life?

Ha ha! Everybody’s a comedian….

Okay, then, what about your nerdy blogs?

I’ll still post every once in a while, but it’s going to be sporadic. Heck, it’s been pretty sporadic anyway. It’s just that this time it’ll be because I’m busy writing, not because I’m too lazy to write. My guess is I’m not going to be too good with responding to comments, either, so don’t take it personally.

What are you, crazy? It’s NOVEMBER. It’s the HOLIDAYS. Seriously, are you a looney?

That, my friends, is for the authorities to decide. Don’t expect to see me or hear from me much this month; thanks for understanding. See you in December.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Nerds Love Halloween

Do you know how long it's been since I've gone to a costume party? A criminally long time. So long, in fact, that as a former theater major, I feel I have brought shame upon my people. So naturally, I leapt at the chance to attend a party with my friends and former co-workers at New Deal Studios.

Thanks to my Auntie Reetha and her Magical Closet of Fun Accessories, I was able to put together this fine ensemble -- without spending ANY money! -- and go as a "Mysterious Socialite From a Bygone Era" (though many people guessed Audrey Hepburn, which I will also accept, because she was beautiful).

And yes, in case you're wondering, that IS a real mink stole (sorry, PETA). It was heavy, and incredibly hot...unnecessary, considering our current 85-degree SoCal weather. Vintage clutch bag, too, that belonged to my Grandma. Ah, the fancy fabulousness of the bygone era! It's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.



The party was great: lots of food, creativity, ambience, and a drive-in movie (Ghostbusters) on the soundstage, along with the world premiere of my former boss Ian's short film. Even some...exotic delicacies, if one was so inclined. Looks like we got there too late to enjoy the frog legs, scorpions and water beetles, but Amy ate a cricket. For real. Does the twist of lemon make a difference, you think?

Here are a few highlights from the rest of the costumed throng....

Wonder Woman and Brawny Man!



Geisha girl and scary spider ladies (with an actual tarantula)!



Zombie marching band!




Cap'n Matthew and his scurvy seamates!



Nice legs, JD...he made this himself!



And my personal favorite, Steve in Wonderland!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

The Gift of Prophecy? You Decide

I was going through some old e-mail and ran across this, which I wrote to a friend who had asked my opinion of the season five finale of my once-beloved show, "24."

The finale of 24? Hmm. Well, it's been a disappointing season in general. They've now killed off or booted every original character except Jack, who has become a caricature of himself. Where is Season One Jack: Jack the Protector of Women and Children? Where is Season Three Jack: Jack the Guy Who's Tired of All This Stuff Screwing Up His Personal Life But Who Steps Up Anyway Because No One Else Can? Alas...Season Five Jack has become Cold-Blooded Vigilante RoboJack With a Chip on One Shoulder and a Man-Bag Slung Over the Other, Stabbing People in the Neck With a Ball-Point Pen.

As for the Chinese getting him at the end there, yeah. I was kinda waiting for that shoe to drop all season (though I did think for a moment that someone was going to kidnap Audrey, which would have been preferable). And this does not bode well, because it just means that next season will start right away with all the torture and gratuitous violence we've come to expect from writers who have put the same character through every conceivable Interesting Dangerous Plot Point for five years now. Ho-hum.

Amy maintains that she's now done with the whole show, and in a moment of disappointment, I stood in solidarity with her. But they're probably already giving odds in Vegas that come next January, when we haven't seen our Keifer in several months and all of this season's offenses are but misty, water-colored memories...some clever editor will assemble a percussive preview sequence full of intrigue and teased returns of once-loved characters, that will have our sad little hineys right back on the couch Monday nights at 9.

I thought the only thing that could suck me back in for real would be the return of Chase (no such luck yet), but this'll do.

Any wagers regarding the timing of his near-certain demise?

Monday, October 23, 2006

Quote of the Week

A dear friend of mine -- a very good man, a gentleman, a sweetheart in all respects -- has finally found himself in a terrific relationship. The two of them are deeply in love, and I've never heard him so happy.

We catch up via IM quite a bit, when I'm up too late online or when he's watching a basketball game. Tonight he said something that filled me with joy for him:

"She has a smile that makes me do ridiculous things."

Amen to that.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Octogenarian Highway

Why? Why are the mobile oldies always either in front of me, doing 25 in a 45 zone, or tailgating me, desperately trying to attach their front bumper to my trailer hitch?

Words of wisdom to the bejeweled, dragon-lady-fingernailed, Virginia Slims-inhaling, ancient Joan Collins wannabe who usurped my rear view mirror on the way home this evening: if your flappy neck wattles belie your Social Security benefits eligibility, no amount of Miss Clairol "Reddest Mahogany Red" is going to convince anyone you're still forty. Now take your foot off the gas pedal!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

...And Boy, Are His Arms Tired

Living as close to the airport as I do, I'm accustomed to the sound of the occasional plane -- and when the sky is overcast, it's even louder. So when I heard the loud aircraft noise a few minutes ago as I was sitting here at my desk, I definitely took notice enough to think to myself, "THAT is one big birdy," but I just wrote it off.

But the roomie just came in: "Did you hear that?"

Apparently it was even louder from our living room, so she went out to the balcony to investigate. Lo and behold, it was Marine One.

The President just flew over my apartment.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Postmodern Sacraments: Reconciliation



Bless me, Blogger, for I have sinned. It has been 21 days since my last post. I accuse myself of the following:

* Giving in to the temptation of physical exercise (nearly every day, sometimes twice)
* Going outside, engaging in the unholy union of my flesh with natural sunlight (several times)
* Engaging in person-to-person communication via landline telephone in lieu of instant messaging, e-mail or blog comments (still, it was a cordless phone -- perhaps this is worth half the penance due for such an offense?)
* Attending a social event rife with other sentient beings (just the one, but I understand the severity of my actions)
* Reading...books (Yes, Blogger. I hear you weeping. I'm sorry.)

For all these and my many other low-technology indiscretions, I seek forgiveness. May I receive a swift and merciful measure of penance...just please, don't make me build a MySpace page.

Amen.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Sorry, No Drop Seat

Ever look at a little kid all snuggly and warm in his little fleece footy-pajamas, and think, "Gosh, why don't they make these for grownups?"

Oh, but they DO.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Strike Up the Band

The UCLA football season begins tomorrow, bringing with it that annual glorious moment where anything is possible: a New Year's Day bowl game, a Heisman, a national championship. Sure, the moment usually passes by the second quarter of our first conference game, but come on. Don't crush a girl's dream, eh?

This photo was taken in 1994, when I was but a young lass wielding a mighty piccolo. Can you find me?



That's right -- that's me, third from the top in the straight line of the "U." Good eye.

GO BRUINS!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Meowning Commute

An overturned big rig dumped 20,000 pounds of cat litter on the Golden State Freeway yesterday, causing -- according to the first traffic report that's ever made me laugh -- closure of the "number one and number two lanes."

Friday, August 11, 2006

Back With the Goods

Perhaps you've wept in my cyber-absence, perhaps not. Regardless, I have returned with gifts, and if you have any knowledge of music from the 1980's, you will be pleased.

I have referred you before to the efficient comedy machine that is 3rd Chair Trombone, but I must do so once again if only to encourage you to enjoy this post, Things I Learned on the Way to Work from My 80s Playlist.

Relive the magic of big hair, skinny ties and power ballads.

Monday, July 17, 2006

"They Found Me...I Dunno How, But They Found Me!"

As my regular readers know, I loves me some wacky search returns. Welcome, perplexed one-time visitors who didn't quite get what you were expecting!

What brought some curious folks here to the Jester blog:

* milk melk pronunciation
* muscledudes
* little brown jug graphic
* born in wrong century
* "the following takes place between" voice
* now accepting applications for a good pirate

And some mysterious Google searches that led to my puppy raising blog:

* antique bison teeth
* dog kissing booth photo
* the big beastie thing evil spider
* games similar to ciao bella
* job description of an avon lady
* how to make my butt bigger

Sunday, July 02, 2006