Technology Foils Me Again

No matter what I do, I will never defeat the printer. Every time I use it, something goes wrong. Out of paper? Paper jam? Empty ink cartridge? Those are all fixable things, easy things. The most common obstacle to successful printing on the good ol' Epson 980N is simply...rebellion. It won't tell you what's wrong, it just won't work. Things may or may not show up in the print queue. Sometimes there's a flashing light on the back of the printer, sometimes not.

Today I spent the requisite twenty minutes, turning it off and unplugging it and waiting a minute and plugging it back in and turning it back on and clearing the print queue and quitting out of the document and restarting my computer and doing a Native American rain dance and offering the printer twenty dollar bills and a place of prominence near the window so it could enjoy the beautiful sunny Southern California afternoon.

Nothing.

So finally, I resorted to threats. In all seriousness, full voice in the office supply room, I said, "Okay. You're going to print for me now. Or there will be consequences."

I noticed David standing there as I turned around to walk out the door. He didn't seem phased.

So after a five-minute trip to the restroom and a quick check of my computer, which led me to believe my documents had been printed, I went to the printer.

On the tray was one piece of paper. In large, bold letters, it read:

"HA! HA! CONSEQUENCES, SHMONSEQUENCES! -- The Printer. "

Oh, sure, it was David's handwriting. But maybe it's mastered forgery too, just to spite me.