Now Accepting Applications (Revised Standards, Version 38.2)

Want to go out with me? Take this quiz:


1. Which of the following do you enjoy most:

A. Scrabble
B. Scrapple
C. Scrimmage
D. Scrappy Doo


2. Your opinion on Star Wars:

A. I like to pretend I'm Han Solo (the Underoos help)
B. I like to pretend the "prequels" were never made
C. I'm going to pretend you didn't ask me that question
D. Captain Kirk was the man


3. Dogs:

A. Rule
B. Are good with mustard and relish
C. Are not as good as cats
D. Are good with mustard and relish, but not as good as cats with mustard and relish


4. Valentine's Day is Saturday, and I am your girlfriend. You:

A. Forget entirely
B. Remember, but blow off the whole occasion because you've "always hated Valentine's Day"
C. Plan a low-key but fun activity, and maybe even keep it a surprise (but tell me how to dress appropriately for the event)
D. Spend all day at a role-playing game convention with your friends while I sit at home online, being mocked by the other people in the chat room


5. The word "sandwich" is pronounced:

A. SAND-wich
B. SAN-wich
C. SAM-wich
D. SAMM-ich


6. "Hammered" is:

A. What you did to the nail in the wall in order to hang the picture frame in my living room
B. What you get with your buddies on Friday night
C. What you get when you go against the MC's advice and try to "touch this"
D. What?


7. You open doors:

A. For all women, the disabled, and occasionally men whose arms are full
B. For all women, but no men
C. For your mother, but no one else
D. For to get inside the building


8. Which of the following is a compliment:

A. "You are incredibly beautiful."
B. "You look nice today -- have you lost weight?"
C. "You look nice today -- are you wearing makeup?"
D. "Sure, honey, but this is Southern California -- anywhere else in the country, you'd really turn heads."


9. The following song will not be played at our wedding:

A. Theme from "Shaft"
B. William Hung's rendition of "Can You Feel the Love Tonight"
C. Anything from Star Wars
D. All of the Above


10. Orlando Bloom is:

A. A decent elf and a pretty good pirate
B. An elficer and a gentlepirate
C. A perfectly acceptable mini-obsession for your girlfriend, with the understanding that should Orlando and said girlfriend actually meet in person, absolutely nothing untoward would occur because it's YOU she truly loves, of course
D. "A totally gay dude who doesn't threaten my masculinity at *all* because he's, like, SOOOO gay. And pretty. DAMMIT! I mean gay."