Keep America Beautiful, Jerk

Oh, good sir in your shiny white Ford Explorer, California license plate number 2ZMJ954, I saw you roll down your driver side window and drop that wadded up napkin and flaccid banana peel onto 83rd Street as you and I were waiting in the left turn lane on our way to our respective jobs at 9:00 this morning.

I desperately hope that one of our many thousands of daredevil neighborhood squirrels picks up the banana peel and somehow makes its way back to your overpriced single-family dwelling, to deposit it in some crevice, some out-of-the-way place where the peel will rot and stink and attract many other vermin who will then gleefully take advantage of your unintended hospitality.

I also hope you breathe a little sigh of relief that California doesn't have a litterbug hotline, like Pennsylvania does, because yes -- oh, yes -- I would have called to report you. Really. I called the only litter reporting number I could find (1-800-TELL-CHP), but fortunately for you it was a non-highway issue out of their jurisdiction.

Fun fact of the day, from the California Penal Code:

42001.7. (a) Every person convicted of a violation of Section 23111 or 23112, or subdivision (a) of Section 23113, shall be punished by a mandatory fine of not less than one hundred dollars ($100) nor more than one thousand dollars ($1,000) upon a first conviction, by a mandatory fine of not less than five hundred dollars ($500) nor more than one thousand dollars ($1,000) upon a second conviction, and by a mandatory fine of not less than seven hundred fifty dollars ($750) nor more than one thousand dollars ($1,000) upon a third or subsequent conviction.

Know this, o soiler of my beautiful neighborhood: I will keep my eyes peeled like that banana for you, and perhaps next time I will follow you to the freeway with my finger on the "send" button of my cell phone.