
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
For your amusement, here's my historical lunatic profile. Don't read it until you've taken the quiz yourself, though -- you might be tempted to answer in a way that unfairly tips your results in favor of ALSO being Charles the Mad...and this royal nuthouse ain't big enough for the both of us:
You are Charles VI of France, also known as Charles the Mad or Charles the Well-Beloved!
A fine, amiable and dreamy young man, skilled in horsemanship and archery, you were also from a long line of dribbling madmen. King at 12 and quickly married to your sweetheart, Bavarian Princess Isabeau, you enjoyed many happy months together before either of you could speak anything of the other's language. However, after illness you became a tad unstable. When a raving lunatic ran up to your entourage spouting an incoherent prophecy of doom, you were unsettled enough to slaughter four of your best men when a page dropped a lance. Your hair and nails fell out. At a royal masquerade, you and your courtiers dressed as wild men, ending in tragedy when four of them accidentally caught fire and burned to death. You were saved by the timely intervention of the Duchess of Berry's underskirts.
This brought on another bout of sickness, which surgeons countered by drilling holes in your skull. The following months saw you suffer an exorcism, beg your friends to kill you, go into hyperactive fits of gaiety, run through your rooms to the point of exhaustion, hide from imaginary assassins, claim your name was Georges, deny that you were King and fail to recognise your family. You smashed furniture and wet yourself at regular intervals. Passing briefly into erratic genius, you believed yourself to be made of glass and demanded iron rods in your attire to prevent you breaking.
In 1405 you stopped bathing, shaving or changing your clothes. This went on until several men were hired to blacken their faces, hide, jump out and shout "boo!", upon which you resumed basic hygiene. Despite this, your wife continued sleeping with you until 1407, when she hired a young beauty, Odette de Champdivers, to take her place. Isabeau then consoled herself, as it were, with your brother. Her lovers followed thick and fast while you became a pawn of your court, until you had her latest beau strangled and drowned.
A severe fever was fended off with oranges and pomegranates in vast quantities, but you succumbed again in 1422 and died. Your disease was most likely hereditary. Unfortunately, you had anywhere up to eleven children, who variously went on to develop capriciousness, great cruelty, insecurity, paranoia, revulsion towards food and, in one case, a phobia of bridges.

9 comments:
I'm the same crazy guy! Maybe Jenny and I are actually the same person. It would explain a lot.
I'm the same crazy guy! Maybe Jenny and I are actually the same person. It would explain a lot.
I am Joshua Abraham Norton, first and only Emperor of the United States of America!
Here's a clip:
"Your days consisted of parading around your domain - the San Francisco streets - in a uniform of royal blue with gold epaulettes. This was set off by a beaver hat and umbrella. You dispensed philosophy and inspected the state of sidewalks and the police with equal aplomb. You were a great ally of the maligned Chinese of the city, and once dispersed a riot by standing between the Chinese and their would-be assailants and reciting the Lord's Prayer quietly, head bowed."
I guess things haven't changed much.
Amy, you realize I will now print up business cards for you that include the title "Great Ally of the Maligned Chinese of the City."
Hey Jen, hey Amy,
very very funny! I'm sending this to Lily. I am Nicola Tesla, and at one point I insisted that day to day actions had to be divisible by three (or better yet 27), for example I would continue walking until i had executed the correct number of footsteps, and I would not eat anything until I had calculated its exact volume.
One of my inventions caused earthquakes in Manhattan, somehow I adapted this for medical purposes, used it on myself and claimed I could work for days without sleep... shared this with my friend Mark Twain who enjoyed the experience but gave up after a sudden onset of diarreah.
Darmok (Sheldon)
Sheldon, would that be Darmok and Jalad at Tenagra?
Hey Amy, Yes I am a trekkie, well a tng trekkie anyways. Surprised you know it too?
Have a good one.
Darmok
You may be a trekkie, but you're not too far gone, or you would have said "trekker." ...Does pointing that out make *me* too far gone? Oh dear. Long live TNG!!
Young man, if I am not a real ruler, then where did I get my uniform of royal blue with gold epaulettes, eh? No answer? I thought so. You will no doubt deal with my fine philosophical reasoning by chopping off my head.
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